Have you ever considered bringing a new person into your marital bed? You wouldn’t be the first person in history to do so! Many couples discuss spicing up their marriage with a threesome, an open relationship, swinging with other couples, and more! But how do we open that bedroom door and ensure that the relationship with our marital partner stays solid? First things first- communication! Here are some communication topics to discuss before allowing someone into both of your lives:
DISCUSS YOUR INTENTIONS WITH YOUR PLAN.
Everyone has different reasons for wanting to mix things up. Make sure you and your partner both have the same intentions and concepts in mind going forward. Are we seeking fun sexual partners or outside relationships? Do we see this as long-term, or is this more of a hall pass? Open honesty is key here to make sure you and your partner aren’t using this opportunity as a means to fix a broken relationship or seek another partner to move forward with.
Say you go forward with your idea- what does that idea look like? Will there be one partner you are both sharing? Will you find another couple and break-off into separate bedrooms every time you see them? Will you have partners for each of you on the side that you date respectively? These are issues you must discuss to figure out the guidelines of behavior. If it is one partner for each of you, are you allowed to kiss them during sex, touch them in certain places, use dirty talk, etc.? How will you communicate to your new partners what your rules are? Boundaries allow us to know what to expect going forward and also when further discussions may need to happen.
ALLOW FOR FURTHER DISCUSSIONS OR COUNSELING TO STAY ON TRACK.
None of us are psychic; we do not have the ability to see the future. We as humans cannot know that when we make a plan, we are fully going to enjoy what we have set up for ourselves. Discuss planning times each week, month, and every so often to discuss how you feel about the plan you’ve set up. Do you want to change the rules a bit? Do you want to stop it altogether and go back to what you had? Checking in every now and again ensures that you and your partner are leaning into each other and enriching your personal relationship. Many couples have a couples counseling session set up once a month to guarantee they are making that time for each other to work on a healthy dynamic.
Opening that bedroom door doesn’t need to be scary if you and your partner communicate what you want, how you’re going to go about it, and how you want to feel about each other as you continue on this path.